Our beliefs inform our actions and choices at a deep, unconscious level. Most of these beliefs are formed between 5-7 yrs of age. For example, we’re taught from a very early age that being nice is a virtue. From the time we were infants, our parents told us to “be nice”, to be polite, to share, and to be considerate and kind. we develop an internal frame of reference (belief) about how a “good/nice” person thinks and behaves. For the most part, it’s good advice. Society depends upon civility to function and relationships require mutual respect. However, one can be too nice, and when we are it can be toxic.
Many of us are running on “default mode” – mindlessly responding to life and situations in the way we have been programmed to, without ever stopping to question or analyze how we really feel or what we really want. We tend to justify, explain and censor what we say and feel, to adhere to the rules of our conditioning. As a result, many of us are suffering from a serious case of “Toxic Niceness”.
Classic symptoms of this debilitating condition are:
- Always putting the needs of others before your own.
- You find yourself doing most things out of a sense of obligation rather than just simply because you want to
- Censoring your words and actions because you think they might not be ‘well received’ by the other party
- Saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”
- Pretending you’re in a good mood when you’re not, so as not to make others ‘uncomfortable’
- Going along with the mass concensus because you don’t want to “be any trouble”
- You’re always the one to give in or back down “for a peaceful life”
(If you find yourself thinking “yes, but…” and trying to justify this behavior, while reading the above list, that’s a sure sign you’ve got it!)
Toxic Niceness can be hazardous to your health!
Oh, doing it occasionally may not be detrimental, but consistently dishonoring your true feelings does have negative consequences. Imagine NEVER getting want you want, repeatedly saying NO to your desires. Every time you do this you are sending a message to yourself (and the Universe) that what you think or feel is not as important. That YOU are not as important, worthy, or valuable! This does not create a healthy internal environment and can actually create toxicity in your body! (and from a Law of Attraction perspective, it will wreak havoc with your ability to manifest abundantly).
If you are suffering from Toxic Niceness, there is good news – It can be cured! It will take some work and you may need some help but I stand here as proof that it can be done!
Have you suffered from toxic niceness? Are you still wrestling with it? I’d love to hear about your expereinces with this. Leave a comment below!