The inner child meditation we have just completed has excavated memories that had been buried for so long. I find myself drawing the weathered upright piano I spent long hours at in my childhood home. I weep as forgotten memories come flooding back so vividly it’s like I am literally back there again.
I can see the ugly green carpet on the floor. I see the off white walls and the antique wooden frame on the painting that hung over the piano. The antique sofa and chairs with the heavy brocade fabric. The bright orange and red hues of the poinciana tree outside the glass window. I feel the sorrow and the joy I experienced here.
This living room is my sanctuary, the piano is my friend. The music I create lifts the weight of my despair. Playing the piano also gives me power and privilege as the formal living room is usually off limits for us children.
I am free to play “non sense”. To create my own sound. I can’t read a stitch of music even after years of lessons. I have a major block. The result of an earlier teacher who didn’t have the patience or the wisdom to deal with me. My mother finally found a teacher who would let me play by ear. Mrs. Karoyan says I have a natural gift. She teaches me the masterpieces of Beethoven and Bach. She gives me what I need. Meets me where I am. She allows me to receive the gift of music. Of healing sound. My spirit soars. My confidence grows.
This exercise was so powerful. I am amazed at where it took me. I suddenly understand why music impacts me so powerfully and commit to including it in my life regularly. It’s a source of pleasure for me – nourishing my body and my soul.
I am able to see my mother from a different perspective. To acknowledge her wisdom and love in finding me what I needed. It helps to unravel a story I have been telling myself: that she wasn’t there for me as a child. So wrapped up in her own pain she couldn’t see mine. I realize now this is not true. Wow. My heart softens, opens, expands.
I am able to see myself from a different perspective also. I remember that I am a highly creative being, a maverick, an innovator and just because I can’t read music doesn’t mean I’m stupid. I remember that there are many ways to achieve an objective and that its ok to create your own unique way. That’s what innovators do.
You never know what an experience will open up for you. What gifts lie in the new, and often strange, things that you may be resisting and avoiding because it doesn’t make sense to your rational mind. It doesn’t fit within the parameters of your current range of “normal”, so it scares the heck out of you or makes you really uncomfortable.
That’s where trust and faith come in. Stay open and say yes to trying new things. Having new experiences. Especially the ones that make you uncomfortable because that’s where your greatest growing edge lies. That’s where the greatest possibilities lie.
If you are ready for a different perspective, to play on a different level. If you know that there are things that are holding you back and you’re ready to soar, my Awaken & Soar private coaching program may just be the thing you’ve been waiting for. The journey begins with a no cost, no obligation conversation. Apply For The Program Here.