There are a million ways to say no. Being able to say no in a direct, comfortable, empowered way is one of the most important tools in to simplifying your life. Discomfort with saying no causes many people to not speak their truth, say yes when they really want to say no, or avoid communicating about something altogether! This is a very disempowered way of saying no, creates unnecessary complications and often takes us out of integrity.
One of the things we look at in the dream coaching process I take clients through is integrity. There is a simple formula we use: Intention + Integrity = Manifestation
- Intention is consciously stating what you are desiring to create or achieve.
- Integrity is how you make and keep agreements with others and with yourself.
- Manifestation is getting what you desire.
Many people fall down in the area of integrity because they have a problem saying “no”.
So they end up saying yes, when they really want to say no, and take on things that are not important to them or that they are not passionate about. Leaving no room for the things they really care about and desire or piling stuff onto an already over full plate. I used to do this big time and it led to massive overwhelm and burnout!
Here are a few tips that will help you to simplify your life and help you bring you greater ease, joy and power!
1- Get clear on what matters to you, what you value and where you are headed. Have a clear agenda for yourself and your life. Have a vision for your life and know what your focus is at this particular stage of your life. (Your priorities are different at different stages of your life). If you don’t have your own agenda, you’ll end up on someone else’s agenda!
2- Don’t overcommit! Work with a schedule or calendar of some kind. When you commit to something, put it in your schedule. When you are asked to do something or make an appointment to do something, check your schedule before committing to see if you are available or if there is something you need to reschedule to be able to say yes to this new opportunity.
3- Honor your commitments. Especially the one’s you make with yourself! Let’s face it, life happens and there will be unforeseen things that will crop up so you will need to renegotiate some of the commitments you made. The key is to deal with it ASAP. When you need to make changes don’t put it off.
4- Practice saying no. For e.g. “Wow! I’m so honored that you want me to ______ but I’m going to have to decline. You actually do not have to explain to people why you are saying no. You really don’t. Seriously. Your discomfort may cause you to want to explain or justify why you are saying no. Just say no thank you and then close your mouth and take a deep breath. It may feel really uncomfortable at first, but believe me, it won’t kill you The more comfortable you are with saying no, simply because you are honoring yourself, the less people will question you or try to change your mind.
5 – Say no to the things that are not aligned with your truth, your passions or your goals. If your calendar is filled with those things there is no room for you to say yes to the things you are passionate about, that are aligned with your goals and that bring you joy.