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Why Confidence Is Over-Rated

By January 31, 2016 No Comments

Confidence

Sure, confidence is very sexy. No doubt about it. It’s much easier to take action when you feel confident. The problem is that many people are waiting until they feel “confident” before they take action.

 Big problem. If you’re waiting till you feel confident (safe, sure, bold) before you take action you’re slowing yourself down and holding yourself back.

 Why?  Experience builds confidence. You learn as you do. You learn what you like and what you don’t. What works and what doesn’t. How to do it better. You hone your skills.

 The part of you that has been conditioned to avoid pain – failure, shame, vulnerability – will try to stop you from taking action – every time.

God knows this has stopped me more times than I care to admit. 

 So how can you feel confident about something you’ve never done before?

You can’t.

Here’s what you can do…

Rely on the confidence you have in yourself built by past accomplishments … OR… the confidence that others have in you. This is why it’s so important to surround yourself with others who believe in you and your dream – and who know that what you are trying to accomplish is possible (usually because they have done it themselves)

 A mentor will often believe in you more than you believe in yourself. They will see your potential and hold possibilities for you until you can step into them for yourself.

Some of the best advice I ever got from mentors:

 -“Give yourself permission to sing badly” (This totally freed up my voice! (Thank you Deidre Reigel)

 -“Be willing to fail publicly. You won’t die. Make your mess your message. You are not here to serve everybody. You can’t please everybody. What other people think of you is none of your business” (Thank you Suzanne Evans)

-“Put your message out there and test it. It’s the only way you’ll know if your target audience will respond to it” (Thank you Monica Shah)

 -“Your people are out there waiting for you. If you don’t let your light shine, they won’t be able to find you” (Thank you Pragito Dove)

Tips for getting into action – even when you’re not feeling confident:
  1. Look at your past successes (Wow. I accomplished….) * Do the exercise below
  2. Remember who you truly are (I am an unlimited being, accepting from an unlimited  Source, in unlimited ways)
  3. Have people cheer you on as you go for it (Create a dream team. Get a mentor)
  4. Practice positive self talk (I am enough. There is enough. I can do anything I put my mind to. I’ve got this! )

I’ve supported hundreds of people in successfully making changes in their lives so they accomplish their goals and dreams and here’s what I’ve seen consistently:

  • You already have the resources you need inside you. You may need help remembering that and standing in them now. You may have had some experiences that you interpreted as “failures” that need to be reframed. You may need to change some habits that aren’t supportive and self loving (e.g. negative self talk that fuels self doubt and depletes your energy).
  • The only person holding you back is you.  YOU only need to change YOU and everything else changes. You don’t need to reinvent yourself and change everything all at once.
  • When you truly decide, providence moves. In other words, you set a chain of events in motion just by making a clear decision.  Miracles occur. Things ‘fall into place’.

So what do you need to get started? To go for what you really want? Life is short and unpredictable. Stop waiting.

Here’s a little Confidence Booster Exercise to get you started:

1. Make a list of the things you want to accomplish.

2. Make a list of all the things you have accomplished so far in your life – big and small.

3. For each thing on list #2, ask yourself: “What did it take for me to accomplish that?”

 (Were you strong, tenacious, bold, persistent, courageous, consistent, brave, carefree, resilient, supported, loving, adventurous, willing, energetic, determined?)

4. Take the qualities you uncovered in step 3 and say them aloud after the words “I am..” while standing in the power pose (hands on hips legs apart, slightly wider than the width of your hips)…..

beyonce-tour-power-pose 

 Do the exercise now. Right now. (Haven’t you done enough “putting things off” and waiting?) Nothing changes until you change something. So, do it now… then leave a comment below and tell me what you experienced!

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