A client and her husband were going through a messy patch in their 30+ yr marriage. He had recently asked for a divorce, rented another place to live but had only spent two nights away from their home since doing so 3 months prior.
Although she was happy he was home every night, there was no real intimacy between them and it felt as though they were stuck in purgatory, with the real issues unspoken and unresolved. She was frustrated and sad.
Using the emotion code technique as the main tool to access her subconscious mind, we embarked on a process to identify and clear any trapped emotions (energy) in her body/mind that had contributed to creating this issue. (This frees up energy to create something new and more preferable.)
A trapped emotion of heartache showed up and she immediately scoffed “of course” (assuming it was the heartache she was feeling around the current state of her marriage).
She was wrong.
This heartache dated back to when she was 7 years old! She had been sent to board with family in another town so she could attend “a good school”. She was heartbroken at being “sent away” even if it was “for her own good”.
Although this had come up in a previous session months before, what needed to be acknowledged now was the connection between that heartache and the one she was currently experiencing.
She had assumed the pain she was feeling now was because her husband wanted to leave her, but, as we discovered, the ROOT of the pain was something quite different.
In exploring the potential “gifts “of the pain and “what was right about the situation that she was not seeing”, she acknowledged one huge gift in the experience was that it had led her back to God and finding her inner strength.
In choosing to embrace the perspective I offered: that we are not separate from God, she was then able to acknowledge this experience had actually led her back to herself. She was strengthening her relationship with herself and learning to love and accept herself the way she did others.
This was a breakthrough. She acknowledged that she had NEVER put herself first.
Now she was able to understand why.
As a child, she didn’t have a choice whether she went to school in another city, or who she lived with. Even though she was desperately unhappy, she was told this is what was best for her. She had no power. She had no control.
She was still creating her life and experiences from that belief. That belief shaped her life and led to her accepting whatever was handed to her. It never occurred to her to even explore or acknowledge her own needs and desires.
It impacted her ability to exercise her right (as an adult living in a free country) to choose. To create and hold healthy boundaries.
It fueled her habit of putting others needs and desires before her own.
She had difficulty making even the simplest of decisions and so generally deferred doing so, abdicating that responsibility, and effectively and unconsciously giving her power away.
She never developed a deep connection with herself. Her own heart. Her needs and desires.
THIS was the true source of her heartache.
The gift of this pain was the opportunity it created to come home to herself. To heal her heart. To reclaim her power and eventually embody it fully.
This is what was killing her joy.
This is why she wasn’t feeling appreciated or valued in her marriage.
The mirror of life reflects our thoughts and beliefs back to us so that we can see ourselves.
After all, we can’t change what we can’t see.
We can’t expect others to love, value and respect us more than we love, value and respect ourselves.
My client cried softly as the realization sank in. The healing had begun.