Yesterday, I spent the entire day in bed watching movies and playing games on my iPad. I listened to a whole book in the morning (fiction). I skipped exercise class. I didn’t run my client payments that were due.
I told myself. “It’s ok to take today off and rest”. “You work hard”. “Relax and take it easy”. “You deserve this!”, as I massaged the growing tension and pain in my right hip and lower back.
This morning, I sat with myself, practicing self compassion as the feelings of self judgment and guilt bubbled to the surface. I observed with compassion the self critical thoughts that swirled in my head. “You wasted a whole day yesterday and you have so much to do!”. “You have a program starting Wednesday and you haven’t promoted it enough!”.
I start to forgive myself – for “lazing” around all day. For eating pizza and chocolate lava cakes. For not collecting my money. For not sending the email. For not going to exercise class.
As I do this inner work, holding a compassionate and loving space for it all, I recognize that I was triggered – by all the new and courageous things I have done recently:
1. Expanding my business. I’ve hired two new team members in January, one of whom is full time. Taking on the responsibility of a full time employee is something I have consciously avoided for the past 10 years, so this is a huge step for me.
2. Launching a movement. The #mefirst movement to help women and men understand the power of self leadership and inspire them to make their self care a priority – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Unfortunately, for so many of us, the idea of putting ourselves first still has a negative association with being selfish, self centered and even narcissistic, triggering unconscious shame and resistance. (Hence the necessity for a consciousness raising movement around this).
3. Getting back out doing public speaking this year, after a 3 year hiatus. I’m doing a talk for a completely new audience in a couple weeks.
I’ve consciously created it all.
“I choose to consistently expand in love, abundance and creativity as I inspire others to do the same” is one of my mantras.
Expansion requires moving beyond our current comfort zone. Letting go of old ways of being and doing. Embracing new ways of being and doing.
It’s a lot. It feels exciting. AND, it feels risky, vulnerable and uncomfortable. Which is why it often triggers an unconscious fear response in us.
Yesterday my fear immobilized me. I needed time to be still. To let it bubble to the surface so I could consciously become aware of it and embrace it with compassion. Wrap it in love.
As I did, I could feel the tension in my body (that had been building all day yesterday as I “lay around doing nothing”) start to melt. My energy amplified and my creativity started to flow. I felt inspired to take action.
This is the power of self compassion and self love. Of being able to hold a safe, sacred space within you for whatever wants to be acknowledged, honored, and recognized.
This is how you “feel the fear and do it anyway”.
This is what is required if you want to eradicate self sabotage and become “unstoppable” in creating your ‘dream-come-true life. A life YOU love to wake up to every day. One with sustainable, fulfilling, meaningful and joyful success.
It takes practice and there is always more to discover and implement around it.
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